um so ya, does everyone know that the LORD Rocks??!?! if u dont, lemme tell u, He rocks!

tonite i went to church, nothin real new there, but ya all thru service i kept feeling like i was supposed to go out and witness on the strip after church... usually we all go out to eat asfterwards but i really felt led to do this... so i asked everyone and theyre all like "um no were hungry" haha..and i couldnt go to the strip by myself at night and try to tell people about God..  i was like well, i guess God doesnt wanna use me tonite...lol... was i wrong or wut?

WUT!

so ya we went to in n out... and ate and stuff... and as i was driving home i was just like "God please use me tonite.." (now keep in mind that its about 11:30 at night by now, but hey, who knows that God doesnt work on wordly time... i do!)

so i just prayed that the LORD would use me tonite, in wutever way He willed... i had cash in my pocket(which is rare in the world of debit cards) but i needed cash to go to in n out, they dont take cards... hmmm the LORD works in mysterious ways?

so i thought maybe i would see a homeless person or soemthing on the side of the road and i could bless them with the cash...

but apparently God had different plans..

well long story longer, and i dont say this to gross anyone out or anything, but its essential to the story : the in n out went straight trhu me like a bullet train ! haha 

so i pulled over at an albertsons to use the restroom... and as i got out, i brought some readin material lol... my Bible.

so ya, i saw these three guys that were working at albertsons gathering carts outside... it was way cold and i really didnt feel good, but i felt led to talk to them..

as i walked up to them and started talking about the LORD, they started snickerin and stuff... im like dude, this isnt fun... but Jesus said Himself that we'd be persecuted for His name... so i trudged ahead in the conversation.

i changed the subject to these guys current situations in life, just to get to know them a lil more, i figured if all else fails, i will know what to pray for for these guys when i leave right?

well this guy steve brought up God again, so i was like sweet! Green light! and i went with it!

the LORD spoke thru me like never b4.. i was spouting out verses of the Bible that i had no idea i knew! man! the Holy Spirit was workin double time!

so after talking for literally over an hour in the freezing cold night, i asked steve if i could pray for him.. he said sure.. so i did

then i asked him if he wanted to accept Christ into his life.. and he started to tear up and said yes...

So i led him in prayer for salvation, and gave him my Bible... i was like in awe! so i said i would pray for him and he goes "thanks... i guess greg( one of the other guys) left..." he looked at his watch, and it was almost 1am... he laughs and goes " he prolly went home, we were off at 11pm..."

im like whoa! i didnt get there till like 11:30pm! The LORD kept them there in the parking lot 30 mins after they got off work so He could speak to them thru me!

so i got into the car,  and it hit me! this was the first time God used me to lead someone in a salvation prayer! nice!

dude! all i wanna do is THIS VERY THING everyday for the rest of my life! just use me LORD!

please pray for steve, that he would just be blessed and that God would continue to speak to him and his family (he has a wife and two lil girls...) let him be the spiritual leader of his home!

and also pray for greg his friend, who heard everything the LORD said thru me, but didnt accept Christ (yet) just that the seeds that were planted tonite would be watered and would grow into a life of serving Christ!

what JOY my God brings!

... i just got back from bible study... i have been praying for a Godly sister ever since i knew i was leaving and going back to vegas...someone i could confide in, someone who could confide in me, a sisterhood straight from our LORD, a sister to laugh with, cry with, and everything in between... like i had in amsterdam with melana and tina...

well, three days ago i met the "answer to my prayers"

she's got such a beautiful soul! u know the kind of person where  u meet them and their love for Christ just shines brightly thru them?

dude! with this girl, i needed sunglasses! hehe

so i just wanna thank God for Erin.... i pray we grow closer and closer in the time to come...

yes, i still miss everyone in amsterdam, but i am learning to deal with it... learning to see the amazing things God has for me, no matter where i am in the world!

please pray for my dad... he might be real sick... but i believe in the power of true prayer... he's going in for some more tests tomorrow.. i love him so much... we all do... i need ur prayers...

wow! its 12:45 am!! i am way tired... but also pray for me and my decision in possibly going to israel in february... if its Gods will, i wanna be sure!

i love u all! i will talk to u soon!

IN HIS GRIP, FOR HIS GLORY!

ugh! hmmm... im back home and i have mixed emotions... the only reason my emotions are mixed is cuz im glad i get to be with my baby sister....

all of me and the rest of my heart  resides in amsterdam...

i miss my brothers and sisters that i got to know and love this past month...

Melana! u are my long lost big sister, and its like "hey i've found her! and now i cant stay close to her ..." (in proximity of mileage that is) so ya, im way bummed about that...

Tina! my love! my sister! u dont have to be the man of my dreams for me to love u ! hehehehe :) u r0ck! and i miss u so much!

Its way hard being "home" .. cuz i feel like my home is in amsterdam, the place i just left! well at least at the willemsstraat! I dont understand a lot of things right now, and its tough most of the time, but I have faith in our LORD, my Father!

My baby sister Gracie sings this song from "veggietales"... i will try to paraphrase it, (she knows it better than i do)

"Trust in the Lord, He is in control, He knows what He's DOING, He has it all in His hands, if we just trust in Him, He knows what He's Doing!"

just imagine the most beautiful lil two year old girl singing that at the top of her lungs with all her might and all her lil heart into it!

i have a feeling that SHE is gonna be what gets me through these next couple of months,(or more?) of heartache...

yes, my heart literally ACHES for Amsterdam and the AMAZING people i left there...

I know God has a reason for everything that happens, and knowing that isnt the problem... it's NOT knowing what the reason is that's the problem...

i was completely "spiritually spoiled" at the willemsstraat... always surrounded by people who had a ZEST for life and a true ZEAL to know the LORD more intimately! A place where the conversations were lavished in our Saviour's GRACE, where praying among brothers and sisters was commonplace....

oh, my Jesus, i know i still have those brothers ans sisters, and i know they will be there with me in Heaven for Eternity, and who knows, i will probably see them again more than once before that time comes... but i am having trouble right now!

Pray for peace... i need peace...

ok... is the sense of peace always supposed to be freeing? i dunno how to explain it ... so last night, or i guess early this morning, i read something about confessing your sins to God... of course, as a Christian, i thought i knew this topic well... but in reality, i dont.. well i didnt... untill i did... and i feel like i am quoting a julia roberts movie...

note to self (and anyone else that thinks this is a good idea) :  when you get home, watch "my best friend's wedding"again... preferably with your mom... dont ask , its just better that way, trust me!

ok back to confession of sin... i am one to harbor feelings and thoughts... even that word "harbor..."i think i have used that word too much lately when describing myself...

note to self : QUIT HARBORING!

so, i was getting ready for bed, and i went to use the "toilet".  i ended up confessing my every sin to the LORD( yes, while still on the toilet) ... and im not talking about ur everyday sins.. (as if any are better or worse than others) but im talkin DEEP DARK and DISGUSTINGLY SHAMEFUL SECRETS that i knew God knew, cuz ya know, He's GOD... but i never ever dared to confess them to Him with my mouth! And i will hopefully never have to confess them again, which i believe to be the case with our LORD... that He CHOOSES to forget our sins after we have confessed them... (thanks to melana for that glimpse into God's process of purification and , yes, my million dollar word : SANCTIFICATION! (thats a tough one to swallow sometimes... u know, the whole brokeness part of it... "ït hurts to be molded when ur set in ur ways")

after i had spewed the very parts of me that makes me not want to be me, and prolly the very reasons JESUS died specifically for, a strange feeling creeped into my whole being...It's a feeling i dont believe i have ever felt before... and, after some hours of pondering it and trying to process it, i still dont know if it was a pleasant feeling or an utterly horrible feeling! i believe it to be both...

so is peace always freeing? i dunno... but i do know that i have a strange unchartered facet of peace in my heart, as well as an "üh-oh look at the can of worms i've just opened" uneasiness... at the same time.

as my dad would say "verrrrrrrrrrryyyy interesting... But STUPID!"

----i dont think that is his personal quote, i think he got it from a laurel and hardy episode or something, but ya, he always said it when i was little, when times seemed more silly and mild.-----

(sigh) Hmmph!

hmmm.. so ya, monday is the "so called"big day... yes, im leaving my heart in amsterdam, and going home... BLECH!

tonite it kinda all soaked in... i mean the fact that i was here all soaked in, a bit too late, ya think tawni?

so i was "cycling"home from the shelter where i used to work, ugh! USED to work! i hate it!

so ya, as i was biking home, it all HIT me like a ton of bricks! (and yes, this time i stayed upright on my bike) hehe

oh yes, what hit me exactly?

"dude, im riding a BICYCLE in the rain, at 1 in the morning, on the streets of EUROPE!!! " You can take me outa amsterdam, but u cant take THAT away from me! Nooooo, u cant take ....that...away.......from....meeeeeeee...!     

so u think its better for me not to be here?

la la la la, i cant heeeeeeeaaarrrr uuuuuuu!!! hahahahaha

that was a lil cynical , i apologize... for realz... maybe i should erase that, but i wont, just so when i look back i can TRULY trace my thought process right now....

ummm but ya, my butt is wet and cold, so im gonna get changed, and possibly, quite possibly go to bed... i might have a big day tomorrow.... WinkWink... i hope at least...

i think i will go to the beach tomorrow with a studly german fella, and a rugged new-zealander Kiwi of a guy! verrrry nice! hahaha

but im not joking! thats the best part....

ok nite!